You Used to Call Me on My Lost Silver Cartridge

NOTE: this is a parody of the original Pokemon Lost Silver creepypasta, written because I was bored. Also: just a warning for strong language. (Art is also mine)

 I have no fucking life. I'm just a college student living in some shitty ass apartment. Back in the day, I was a fucking FANATIC about Pokemon. I became a hermit just to avoid spoilers for Pokemon HeartGold and SoulSilver because nobody knows how to tag their fucking spoilers on Tumblr.

Cause I was busy with some stupid school shit or something, I couldn't buy the games on the release date. Once I graduated and got a life, I bought 50 di- wait, wrong reciept. I bought a copy of Pokemon SoulSilver, but it would take a week to get to me because I couldn't afford some damn Amazon Prime subscription. I was like, "Hey, this is gonna take forever so imma just fucking play Pokemon Crystal to relive the Good Ol' Days(tm)"

Then, I realized that my copy of Pokemon Crystal was fucked because the battery was broken, and my mom threw it out. She also threw away my Silver version because I was a little bitch. I had my Gameboy Color, however, so I went to Gamestop to buy a copy of Pokemon Silver.

When I was there, I was enraged. Ten dollars for some fucking retro-ass videya game? Hell no. Copies on E-Bay go for 99 cents. I bought the copy there anyways, even though I could have played the game on an emulator and not have to deal with this stupid ass ghost bullshit.

I finally arrived at my pad and booted up my Gameboy Color, just to find out it had no batteries. Wow, what kind of fuckin' gamer am I? Anyways, I put in some new batteries and BOOTED THAT MOTHERFUCKER UP! YEAH BABY, WE'RE GONNA PLAY SOME FUCKING POKEMON

Well, I would say that, but the Gamefreak logo came up and froze. I restarted it, and I was like "Shit no wonder why someone sold their copy of Pokemon Silver, it's fucking broken." I restarted it and jamed a bunch of buttons like I was playing Smash. I waited for like 50 YEARS then it went away and the screen went black. Then it went straight to the save file, but I wouldn't know what it's supposed to do before hand cause this game is so fucking old.

I checked the previous owner's trainer card. The name was just "..." which is pretty fucking edgy. All his time and money was maxed out, and had all the Pokemon in the Pokedex and all the Gym Badges. What a perfectionist. He probably hacked all this shit in, just sayin'.

I checked his team. 5 Unowns and one other Pokemon named "HURRY". Wow. He is EXTREMELY edgy. I checked the summary for all the Pokemon. I'm a fucking expert at reading Unown, so get on my level, fuckin' scrubs. The Unown all together spelled out "LEAVE". Like I said, extremely edgy, and probably a hacked game because they were all Level 5. What a scrub. The last Pokemon was a Cyndaquil, Level 5 also. It had one HP left, with only two attacks, Flash and Leer. Even though the volume was all the way up on my Gameboy Color, none of the Pokemon played their cries. My speakers were probably broken, lol

The area around me seemed to be somewhere in some fucking tower, but I didn't see any way out. No NPCs either. IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE SYMBOLISM FOR ME BECOMING A HERMIT FOR POKEMON?!

I checked my bag for some escape room, so I could get the fuck outta there like Sonic. But I got nothing. Nada. Zilch.

I looked behind the pillar for some stupid secret bullshit, and there was a ladder. The screen went black, and some creepy empty tune started to play. Yeah, I think this is bootleg. I checked my PokeGear to change the music, but all I had was the map. Some bullshit. The map was just my guy walking around in darkness. I checked my Pokemon and used FLASH which was one of HURRY's moves. No text boxes came up, but the room did light up. The room was HYPERREALISTIC BLOOD RED with a path heading down. There was no way out besides this stupid ass path.

As I walked down that path, it got darker every 20 steps, but don't ask me how I know that, because I'm a fucking god. I reached a sign which said "TURN BACK NOW". Don't these games have lowercase letters? Jeez, no need to yell at me. But I'm not going back. Nope I'm not-

Well fuck. I pressed "YES" by accident when the random text box came up. Anyways, it transported me to another room. I used Flash again, but HURRY fainted, from absolutely nothing. What a scrub. I checked the rest of my party since he wasn't there any more, and the Unown spelt out something new. It spelt out "HESGAY". Well shit, me too. Who is this mystery man, however? Am I about to fuck a ghost?

In the room, I was trapped in a small square, with little room to walk around. There were a bunch of graves around me, but I was like "Maaan am I gonna become a fucking zombie? That would be cool." Some nice peaceful music was playing, but I realized it was the Pokeflute music to wake up Snorlaxes. ARE WE WAKING UP ZOMBIES? PLEASE TELL ME WE ARE I WANNA JOIN

I checked my Trainer Card again because I'm stupid and curious as fuck. "..." was missing an arm. Whoops. Not my fault. This mother fucker just dropped his arm, so of course he's not smiling anymore. He also had 24 badges. Damn, "..." is getting swole, going to all those gyms. I exited the Trainer Card, and after a while, my character started to spin. This was it. The time is now. The ZOMBIE RAVE DANCE PARTY IS FUCKING HAPPENING MATES

Then my character sunk into Hell. I guess Satan was too lazy to move his ass to join us, so I guess he dragged us down instead. I looked at my character, and he was completely white. Well fuck, he's a cracker now, I guess. Mayonaise scrub. I checked the Trainer Card, because Great Googly Moogly, It's All Gone to Shit(tm). "..." was still a cracker, and he lost his legs and was cryin' some Kool-Aid. He now had 32 gym badges, which probably means he got so swole that his legs exploded and he's crying out Gatorrade from drinking so much of it.

I checked the party, and it had 5 Unown and a Level 100 Celebi. The Unown spelt out "IMGAY" this time. The Celebi was shiny, but only had half of its body. Gold got so fucking swole, he beat the shit outta Celebi and took it captive. It also only knew the move Perish Song. Probably wants to kill "..." cause it can't stand looking at these SWOLE MUSCLES

I exited the Party screen, and looked around. I was in the tower from before, but everything was Kool-Aid red. I popped a cheese ball into my mouth and walked up. I found some people, but they were all just looking at the pillar. What a bunch of losers. None of them spoke, so I just said "SMELL YA LATER" and continued to go up. Someone finally stopped that pillar from going any more up, and Red or some loser or whatever was at the top. I touched him and a battle started. Jeez, someones sensitive. The weird music I heard a bunch of stupid paragraphs ago started playing, but played backwards. Don't ask me how I know these things.

My battlesprite was FUCKED. No arms, a cracker, and Kool-Aid sprayed in my eyes. Red was also some Mayonnaise. A regular textbox for battles came up, but it only said "wants to battle!" I guess even the game forgot this loser's name.

I sent out the Celebi, which is useless, with only one move and half the body. The shiny noise fucking killed my ears. I guess my speakers AREN'T broken. "The weird hermit dude which was ontop of the pillar" sent out a Pikachu, which was Level 255, but was sad as fuck. Damn, someone's been absuing Pokemon. Someone get Team Plasma- Wait, wrong generation. The game only allowed me to fight, so I did. Not like I have anything else to do in my free-time, like homework or studying. I chose Perish Song, but Pikachu went first, since Pikachu is Sonic, apparently. I mean, haven't you SEEN Sonichu? Fuckin' scrub.

Pikachu used Curse, and lowered some shit. Then Celebi used Perish Song, to put an end to its misery. The fight continued, but I mean, I didn't care, less work for me.

"Pikachu used FLAIL!" Uh, OK.

"Celebi used PERISH SONG!" Nothing happened, cause it already used it, stupid onion fairy.

"Pikachu used FRUSTRATION!" Pikachu really hates that fucking song, or just his trainer, cause it almost knocked me right outta the ballpark.

"Celebi used PAIN SPLIT!" Well, at least it has SOME plan, right?

"Pikachu used MEAN LOOK!" And we're trapped again, apparently.

Perish Song took its effect and killed Celebi. It probably sang for too long. Pikachu used Destiny Bond, which was useless, cause it was gonna die anyways, and had nothing to latch onto besides me or its trainer. Then the game said that Pikachu had died. Wow. Talk about the most saddest deaths in anime.

Then Red's head was cut off. Fucking Fantastic. Where did his head go? Nobody knows. Anyways, I was like, enough of that bullshit, and I checked my Trainer Card. I had no fucking body. WHERE'S MY FUCKING BODY?

AM I JUST TOO SWOLE FOR THIS WORLD? AM I RED'S HEAD? DID MY BODY AND RED'S HEAD GET GAY, RUN OFF, AND MAKE A NEW PERSON?

My character's eyes were just a void. I guess my body took the eyeballs too. And my other balls. He also had 40 badges. The grind was too stronk................

I checked my Pokemon. They were Level 20 Shiny Unown, which spelt out "NOHOMO".

Was I just cockblocked by a Ghost?

Anyways, I walked, I mean, slided around, and I was in the original bedroom in Pokemon Silver. I went downstairs, cause nothing was working and I'm not a little bitch. Everything seemed fine besides not being able to interact with anything, so I walked outside, into the.... FUCKING VOID?

Wow, New Bark Town looks great. Nothing is here, and it's all black. My sprite outline turned white, but that was the only thing there. The area turned white, and my sprite changed to contrast it.

Finally, I reached another NPC, which had the sprite of the regular player character. I talked to him. All he said was "HMU babe ...." A textbox appeared saying I had gotten a phone number for a NPC with no name. Then, he vanished, and a textbox appeared saying "??? used NIGHTMARE". Someone's an Edge Lord(tm). My character spun around again, preparing himself for the Zombie Rave Dance Party.

I was in the small room with the graves again. I didn't have a sprite, and there was no noise. I check my Trainer Card. There was no sprite of my character, 0 badges, and the pictures of the Gym Leaders had MLG Shades. I checked out my Pokemon. They were Level 25 Unown, who spelled out "SUCCME".

I had finally figured out where the fuck I am. I am Gold, in my grave, preparing for the zombie rave. His death? Being too damn swole and gay. Unown have made me gay. I am gay for Red.